My Tryst with FAILURE

My earliest memory of not being able to handle petty inconveniences, failure or some form punishment was when I was sent out of my fifth grade Kannada class because I tried to police someone else for talking during class. I stood outside class incessantly sobbing with my naughty classmate, who was the one wrong initially, thinking "we're equals and that's such a shame."

I know this may come off as privileged because how hard could it be, to be the crème of the class at every stage in your life, to be always picked out as the most responsible or the most academically inclined, liked by all the teachers at school and shown as an example by parents for their children, my peers to learn from and look up to. 

But when you grow up thinking you're the jack and master of all trades, adulthood will be a big disappointment. 

I broke my leg twice in a year, right before my driver's license tests. At 20, I couldn't clear my CA. 

Was it because of the pandemic, was it because I overestimated my motivation towards my goal, was it because I lost myself in the rat race behind results and not progress? May be all.

Yet these failures urged me to tackle my disinterest and lack of motivation and fix my perspective from "Why just me?" to "Challenge accepted."

 

There have been times where I have waited until the absolute last minute because my anxiety makes me believe I won’t do it correctly. I have forgone taking charge, choosing not to lead when I was highly capable or not be the "go getter" because of self doubt and because I was holding everyone up to my pedestal of high standards.

Success, determination or diligence doesn’t always mean someone’s life is flawless or easy. As an overachiever you perform above and beyond and hold yourself up to unrealistically high standards only to live with the delusional idea that you have it all together.

I came across a character on a show, whose catchphrase was "give me lemons and you'll have lemonade, lemon pie and lemon meringue." or use a slice of lemon to chase down a shot of vodka because now you damn well know what to do when life throws lemons at you.

So remember kids, what we strive for is productivity and progress not perfection, look for silver linings in the times you've failed at something, don't be a people pleasing pushover or let someone else take over because you find it difficult to be proud of your potential. Learn to go with the flow, give yourself ample time to recuperate from a burnout and remember that there are things beyond our control and it's not always one's fault, because no effort goes in vain. 

Now that I have my driver's license, trust me just because someone is thriving, doesn't mean they're not struggling.